


Cherry Pop and Baby Blue

by Ruby_Rudd



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Delusions, F/M, Homelessness, Imaginary Friends, Implied Sexual Content, Implied Smut, Implied/Referenced Attempted murder, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Smut, Love Motel AU, M/M, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader's gender is unspecified, Reader-Insert, Some angst, These nerds live in the wOODS, Tim isn't a creepypasta but go off I guess, ask to tag, lots of your typical creepypasta characters are dead/don't exist in this AU, oof - Freeform, personal interpretation on some characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-08-07 15:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16411151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruby_Rudd/pseuds/Ruby_Rudd
Summary: Cherry pop and baby blue.That’s him. That always has been, and always will be.





	1. A Late Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I caved and wrote an x reader  
> what is this?? 2014????  
> I update this whenever I feel  
> Tagged as `light smut` bcuz I count implied and referenced smut as `light smut` oops?  
> This is an embarrassment and I'm a dishonor to my family.  
> YOUR GENDER IS UNSPECIFIED

“Well, wh-what DO you remem-mem- remember?” The brunet stuttered, cracking his knuckles.

“Uhm,” You thought, furrowing your brows in concentration. “Cherry pop and baby blue.”

“Is that really a-all you remember??” Toby asked, befuddled.

You grinned nervously, “I remember my family a bit, and um, I remember Christmas, and my name,” You mess with your hair, sun shining down on you through the leaves of the tree you sit beneath. “And a swiss army knife,” You pause, “And a deck of cards.”

“Wow. That’s n-not a lot to g-o to go off of.”

You laugh. “My parents probably think I’m dead.”

“H-how long has it been?”

“Eight months, I think?”

“That’s a-al- That’s almost a who-whole baby.”

You snicker, “Yeah, almost.”

Toby fiddled with the grass and moss beneath him, feeling their lush textures.

“Do you r-remember your little sister?”

“Yeah, but I can’t quite remember if her name was Leah Marie or Prim Rose.” You look up at the lush green leaves blowing in the breeze above you, squinting as the light wormed through the boughs and foliage.

“Leah,” Toby said, jolting suddenly. “Prim Rose was y-your grandmother’s na-name.” The way the boy twitched nonchalantly made you smile, shaking your head slightly as you recalled preschool.

“I remember preschool.”

“What parts of it?”

“I remember you getting picked on, and I remember joining you in the sandbox. We’d play with Tonka Trucks and make sand castles.” You smile fondly at the memories. “Baby blue.” You say.

Toby snickered flusteredly, smiling at the ground.

“I remember moving away.”

“I rememb-ber watching your car drive a-away.”

“Lace and ribbon.” You state.

“Your mother was e-emotionally abU- abusive and vind-dictive.”

“My dad was the best, though. I remember when he divorced her ass and kicked her out. Dad got full custody of me.”

“Do you rem-remember Andrew?”

You snort, “Remember? He’s sitting above us.” You look up to see a dirty blond-haired boy in a red jersey smiling down at you.

Toby looked up, staring at the empty tree branch, giving a solemn smile. “He’s always j-just around the corner, h-huh?”

“Yeah,” you giggle. “You are, too.”

You both give a slightly shy smile.

“What e-else do you remember?”

“Swim team. Swim lessons. Lifeguarding. Drawing in crayon.”

“All of those are out of order.” Toby laughs.

You sigh reminiscently, “I remember when dad brought home this beautiful young lady from Vermont and told me she was my new mom.”

Toby nodded.

“Silk and cotton.”

The two of you listen to the leaves blow in the early summer breeze, the chirping of birds, and general tranquility of nature.

“I remember her hugs were so warm and her voice was so soft. She was so nice, and she made dad so happy.” Your smile grows wider as you close your eyes, picturing your parents. “And she didn’t discourage me over Andrew.”

“Seedless strawberry j-jam.” Toby inferred.

“Exactly.” You open your bright eyes and smile at the curly haired boy sitting next to you. You continue describing what you remember. “I remember sitting in therapy. Don’t remember what we talked about, but I remember sitting in Dr. Armin’s office.”

“Y-you remember a lot m-more than yo-you let on.”

You smile guiltily. “A lot of it is just now coming back to me, in the most vivid detail it ever has.”

“That’s good.”

“Gushers and scraped knees.”

“Otter pops a-and muddy feet.”

You beamed at the brunet. “Yes!”

Toby grinned at you adoringly.

“Chocolate chip cookies and grocery shopping in the rain.”

“Yeah.” Toby nodded, satisfied at that answer.

The two of you fell silent, enjoying each other’s company, as well as the warmth of the sun.

“We sh-should go.” Toby stood up, holding his hand out to pull you up.

“Where?” you took his hand, and he pulled you to your feet with a smile.

“House.”

“Not home.”

Toby smiled happily, “Exactly.”

 

 

Home is where the heart is, and this place has no heart. Well, other than the shape of almost everything. An abandoned love motel, mostly intact, minus a few walls and ceilings. Some parts of it are more run down than others, but it feels more like a three-walled camping cabin than a motel.

A short, depressed man; an auburn with the resources; a terrifying, unstable monstrosity of a man; a chestnut-haired girl with a short temper; a woman who always wears a mask; and a whole lot of ghosts.

 

Andrew followed behind you as you followed Toby, but Andrew stayed back by a few feet, like a parent hovering around their kid as they played.

“The smell of w-wooden pencils, a-a-and the holid- the holiday season.”

You nod. “Certainly.” You follow him to his self-proclaimed `bedroom`. Four walls and a roof, with 4x4s and 2x4s framing the walls and ceiling to keep it from collapsing on him. Tarp covering most of the rotting and dirty floor. The mattress, which was in surprisingly good state, lay upon a box spring, but no actual bedframe, pressed up against two walls. A kitchenette on the other side of the room, also in surprisingly good shape, had cupboards full of snacks, blankets, tarp, rope, clothes, you name it. A bathroom with a large, heart-shaped bathtub built into the floor was as clean as it could be, in the overall state of this place.

Most of the rooms were grosser and more rundown. Most had tents in a motel room because it was cleaner and warmer to sleep in a tent than in the actual room itself.

Your room, for instance, had suffered a lot of water damage from the April rains, so you’d begun sleeping with Toby, for the sake of your health and safety. Not that you minded sleeping next to the brunet.

Toby sat on the bed and sighed. “This winter’s gonna b-be harsh.”

“Yeah. There’s a reason none of us have eaten in two days and EJ is almost never here.”

“W-we should get a job or someth-thing.”

“If only.” You roll your eyes, joining Toby on the bed. “They’d have to know our names, then they’d search it up.”

The brunet groaned. “I h-hate this.”

“Me too.” You snicker.


	2. A Stretch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You contemplate what you’re about to do, and try to talk yourself out of it, but next thing you know, your lips are pressed against his, with your hands tangling in his messy brown hair. Neither of you are very good at this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter alone is 3000+ words lmao  
> enjoy  
> time skips are abundant because you're dumb  
> also implied bisexuality bcuz your gender is unspecified

The heat of midsummer was unbearable, spending most of your day in the creek just to keep cool. Even with the shade that enveloped most of the motel’s surrounding area, it was blistering hot.

The chestnut-haired girl had begun working at a library, using a fake name to escape suspicion. She said it was nice, because it was air-conditioned, and she got $12 an hour. She had laughed, “I went with the name Charlotte, and they haven’t questioned anything.” And you longed to be able to do that, but you know you’d get caught. Now she has a big jar full of cash, and as soon as the leaves start turning colours, she says it’ll be time to start buying food and supplies for winter.

“Where’s Kate?” You asked Toby as you joined him in the creek.

“At work, I-I think.” He shrugged, looking you up and down. “You l-look good. A little malnur-malnurish- m-m,” he stuttered. “Malnourished.” He rolled his eyes, finally getting the word out, “But you look good.”

“I look like a sweaty, unkempt beast.” You laughed. “But thank you.” You give him a genuine smile.

“I look gross too.” He snickered.

“You look good.” You nod at him.

“So, how’s Andrew k-keeping cool i-in this One-Oh-Three d-degree he-heat?”

“He’s laying in the water. Like, all the way. Completely submerged. Like an idiot.”

Toby laughed. “I don’t b-blame him.”

“He’s so dramatic, I swear.” You roll your eyes.

“Do you th-think we’re gonna go to C-Cabela’s o-or go to REI?”

“Mmm, REI.” You guess.

He nods.

“What about you?”

Toby shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Heyyo!” An auburn boy wearing shorts and sunglasses approaches with a bottle of beer. “Mind if I join?”

You and Toby share a look before inviting the auburn in.

“How’s the money thing going?” You ask him.

“Good, good.” He nods, taking a sip from his bottle. “Camping gear is fucking expensive, but it’s better than freezing to death.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like human organs are cheap.” You roll your eyes.

“True. Good money, but still, gear is expensive.” His dark eyes gleam under his sunglasses. “Speaking of which, I want both of you to help out with buying supplies. I’ll give you a list and the money you need, but I need you guys to help get the stuff.”

“Sure.” Toby shrugs. “Not l-like we have an-anything better to d-do.” He snorts.

Jack looks to you, “So how’s the memory thing coming along?”

“Still not great, but I remembered that `EJ` stands for `Elijah-Jack` at like one in the morning and I couldn’t stop laughing.” You grin.

He rolls his eyes, holding back a grin, “You’re an ass, you know that?”

“That’s my middle name.” You inform him sarcastically.

“Do you want to try and fix up your room?”

“No, it’s a lost cause. I’m fine sleeping with Toby.”

Jack snickered, “I’ll pick up some condoms on my way back.”

You rolled your eyes and groaned in embarrassment, cheeks dusting a light pink. “You’re a dick.”

“Indeed.” Jack laughed.

Toby smiled awkwardly at the cool creek water flowing over his lower body, ears red.

“I love how neither of you told me not to.” Jack teased.

Your laughs were muffled by your hands, which now covered your face.

“I feel like a dad,” EJ gushed, “And my children are growing up and it’s my responsibility to make sure they do things safely.”

“S-stop talk-king.” Toby stuttered embarrassedly.

“Fine, fine.” The auburn took a sip of his beer. “Now when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much,” he started, before stopping because he was laughing too hard.

“How hetero-normative of you!” You joked.

“Ah yes, sorry, when a hunty and a sis love each other very much,” Jack trailed off, snickering.

“I don’t even know what any of that means and I hate it.” You laughed.

“It’s gay-speak!” Jack exclaimed. “You two should know all about that, you raging bisexuals, you!”

You all shared a good laugh, momentarily distracting yourselves from the heat.

 

Bugs chirp loudly in the warm dark of the outside, and you desperately try to ignore it as you lay wide awake in bed. You listened to the boy sleeping next to you breathe softly until you become too restless.

“Toby,” You whispered. “Toby.” You whispered louder.

“Nmmmnn,” The boy stirred.

“Toby I can’t sleep.” You poked him lightly until he yawned and looked at you, squinting in the dark.

“What??” He asked, confused.

“I-I can’t sleep.” You stammered nervously.

He smirks at you, raising a brow, “You’re p-pathetic.”

“Yes I am.” You pout proudly.

He shook his head in amusement, snickering. “Goodnight.” He wrapped his arm around your middle and shoved his face back into the pillow.

“G’night.” You say quietly as you lean your head up against Toby’s.

It doesn’t take you too long to drift off from there.

 

You stare hungrily into Toby’s gray eyes, and you swallow, trying to suppress an urge. He has a look in his eyes, almost fear, but with a longing for something. The brunet is quiet, breath caught in his throat, his hands tangled in your shirt.

You contemplate what you’re about to do, and try to talk yourself out of it, but next thing you know, your lips are pressed against his, with your hands tangling in his messy brown hair. Neither of you are very good at this.

You pull away and clear your throat, embarrassed. Both of your faces are pink and neither of you speak, or even look at each other.

“It’s August now.” You manage to say.

He remains quiet, and you turn to look at him. Toby stares down at the bed sheets with a flustered but gleeful smile on his face.

“Toby.” You say in a low voice. “It’s laundry day.” You figure not addressing the kiss is the best course of action, and you’re correct.

 

“I f-fucking hate walking.” Toby stammers as he readjusts his grip on the trash bag full of clothes he’s carrying.

“One and a half hours ain’t bad.” You nod as you open the door to the laundromat.

You put your clothes into a machine, as he puts his in another. You two get the machines started up before sitting on the bench next to the folding table.

“Now f-for the boring p-part.”

You hold a handful of quarters in your hand, eyeing the vending machines across the room. “Want anything?”

Toby shakes his head.

You get two water bottles, a bag of pretzels for him, and your favourite candy. He tries to argue when you hand him the bag of pretzels and water.

“I s-said I didn’t w-want anything.”

“We haven’t eaten for like, two days. And we still have to walk back. Eat.”

He pouts, knowing you’re right. He sighs, taking a sip of water. “Th-thank you.”

You smile at him, “No problem.” You peck his cheek. You dig into your pack of candy ravenously, wishing you had more money to get a bunch more. “What did you say Tim’s favourite candy was?”

“I dunno.” He shrugged. “I don’t kn-know him very w-well.”

“You told me he likes Mike n’ Ike’s,” You walk back over to the machine, retrieving a box of the sweet candy, shaking it. “So he gets Mike n’ Ike’s.” You grin.

“You’re n-nicer than I am.”

You shrug. “I feel bad for him.”

“Me t-too.”

And thus, you sit listening to the washing machines buzz away.

 

You snicker, “I never thought I’d be putting clothes in a kitchen cupboard.”

“I n-never thought I’d b-be homeless, s-so this is beyond s-something I could ever im-imagine.” Toby smiled sheepishly. “Thanks f-for folding my clothes.”

“Oh, no problem.”

“I-I’m too much of a spaz,” He giggles, “I always get f-fr-frustrated.”

You smile softly at him, “I can imagine.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you watch Andrew plop himself up on the counter, kicking his legs lightly. Andrew was never much of a talker, but he was always good at keeping you company. He tells you that he got a pack of skittles from the vending machine and that they were good, you nod, not wanting to speak allowed and look like an idiot.

“Canned pears and star-gazing.” You say.

Toby grins, “Yeah. Smooth r-rocks and warm te-tears.”

You think about that briefly, unsure for a moment that it was a good statement, but eventually grinning and nodding. “Peach cobbler and humid evenings.”

The brunet nods. “Fan-fancy decks of c-cards and marb-marbles.”

That one was a bit of a stretch, but it made enough sense that you approved. “Crunchy leaves and the smell of fresh, warm paper.”

“That one’s a-a little o-ordinary, d-don’t you think?”

“Yeah, but still nice.”

He ponders that over for a second before nodding, “Sure.”

“We should bathe tomorrow.” You change the subject.

He whines.

“Just in the creek.” You compromise.

“F-fine.” He pouts.

“Though, we do need to take a proper bath with soap and everything pretty soon.”

“Then we’ll j-just get gro-gross a-and sweat ag-again! It’ll be a w-waste.”

“Just because we’re not clean right now doesn’t mean we aren’t actively getting dirtier with each minute.” You explain. “You know that.”

He sticks his tongue out at you and you do the same.

You both actively ignore the fact that you kissed not twelve hours ago, opting to continue acting like close friends.

 

 

You pick at the skin around your fingernails as Toby fiddles with his pocketknife, flipping it open and closed. It made a click as he flicked it open, signifying that it locked in place. Then making a lower clack noise when he flicked it closed. He did this repetitively, and the sound filled your ears until you wanted to scream. It wasn’t exactly annoying, but for some reason it was overloading your senses.

“Toby.” You spoke up.

He stopped, looking to you. “What?” He asked genuinely unaware that he could be annoying you.

You made up something on the spot to distract the boy from fiddling with the knife. “We should make a list of things we need to get.”

“Th-that’s a good idea.” He dug through a few kitchenette drawers before locating a pen and notepad.

The two of you spent a good while coming up with things you’d need and how much of it.

“I have n-no clue what our b- our budget is, but I th-think we’re going o-over it.” Toby stared down at the list.

“I think Kate’ll share what she’s made from the library.”

“Hopeful-ly.”

“Okay, so let’s go over the list. Canned food, boxed/dry food, a daily vitamin, cold medicine, first aid kit, matches, some of that fancy dried firewood, cases of water, toiletries, candy, pocket warmers, and some granola bar/protein bar/energy bar sort of thing.”

“Mhm. Th-then warm clothes, f-from socks t-to hats. Oh! B-batteries.” He wrote that down. “Flashlights a-and l-lanterns.”

“Oh, what if we got some of those heat lamps?”

“Don’t th-they need an e-electrical outl-outle-ou-outlet?”

“Fuck, you’re right. Dammit.”

“Propane. W-we could get some p-propane po-powered heaters.”

“We’ll have to look into that..”

“Blankets, u-um, towels, and do you think w-we could g-get a few a-actual meals in bef-fore winter?”

“Like from a restaurant?”

“Yes.” He pleaded.

“We’ll have to talk to Jack, but that sounds really fucking good.” You fantasized about actual fresh food, and it was almost orgasm-worthy. “Baked goods. We need to gain some weight.”

“That soun-sounds we-weird but it’s n-not wrong.” Toby snickered. “Y-you don’t usually hear p-people say th-that they want to gai-gain weight.”

“We’ll probably lose all of it by the end of winter.” You snicker.

 

Finally, you managed to get some time to yourself. Not that you don’t like being around Toby, but sometimes you need space. While he’s off conversing with Jack, you figured you could get some fresh air. Of course, the hair doesn’t feel fresh, since it’s over 100°F and decently humid, but whatever.

You pull yourself up into a tree and relax, breathing deeply and calmly.

“So,” Andrew pulled himself into the tree, sitting on another branch. “You just going to pretend you didn’t kiss Toby?”

“That was almost a month ago, dude.” You chastise.

“Answer my question.”

“I- I dunno, I guess. I mean, I like him- like I REALLY like him, but I just,” You struggle to find words, “I don’t want to ruin the friendship, I guess?”

Andrew rolls his eyes at you. “That’s totally not a basic excuse.” He pokes lightheartedly. “I say I say you go for it. It’s not like he doesn’t like you back. Go with the flow.”

“You’re one to give relationship advice.” You sass.

“I know, right? It’s like that creepy smile-y dude giving advice on self-care.” Andrew giggled. “Anyhoo,” He jumped out of the tree, “Don’t worry about me if you two decide to have sex. I’ll sit outside and listen to music or something.”

“How thoughtful of you.”

“You forgot to give the depressed guy his Mike n’ Ike’s.” Andrew said as he walked off to where you couldn’t see him.

“Fuck!” You jumped out of the tree.

 

 

You knocked on the door before opening it, as to gently alert him to your presence. He was sat on the floor, he and his room were a mess, but that didn’t really matter. You cautiously walked over to him. He held a look of confusion and betrayal, with anguish in his chocolate eyes. You held out the box of candy as you approached. He swallowed those emotions best he could as he focused on the box of candy.

“Wh- th.. thank you..” He croaks, as if he’d been screaming or hadn’t talked in quite a while.

You smile at him. “No problem. Saw them and thought of you.” You shrugged at the unkempt man.

He forced a small smile, that quickly became genuine, as he took the box of candy from you. He looked like a wreak, which was a shame, as he was rather handsome, but you guess bad things have no bias. You give him a thumbs up, wanting to hug him, but knowing that wouldn’t be a good idea, and you slowly back out.

His eyes sparkle as he looks down at the small box in his hands before looking up to watch you leave. He gives a small wave, and you give him a nod before closing the door behind you.

 

 

You laughed, breaking the silence. Toby looks up from his book and eyes you curiously from the kitchen counter.

“I’m thinking of food and it’s masturbation worthy.” You laugh, and Toby laughs with you. “Pastries oozing with sweet filling, ice cream, candy, Chinese food.” You gush.

“I could vouch f-for that.” Toby gushes with you.

“Cherry pop and baby blue.” You shake your head.

Toby smiled at you. “We’re getting so-some of the food a-and stuff in a f-few days, righ-right?”

“Yeah. God I can’t wait.”

The brunet snickered, trying to hold back stupid flirty statements. “I think i-it’s mostly going t-to be like, pa-pots and prop-propane.” He echoes. You two fall silent for a while.

“It’s getting cold already.” You stare up at the ceiling. “I can feel autumn creep up on us.” You rub your cold arms. “Tank tops and shorts aren’t enough.” You giggle, pulling the blankets over you.

Something in Toby made him get off the counter and pull out a sweatshirt of his from one of the drawers. You sat up and he pulled it on you. It was a bit big on you, but it was a bit big on him, so it cancels out. He smiled adoringly at you, while you seemed a bit skeptical.

Yeah, no doubt he had a crush on you. Which was good, saying as you totally wanted to smooch his stupid face.

God, this is weird. You’re weird, he’s weird, everything’s weird.

You expect him to go back to reading his book, but he crawls into bed and the two of you snuggle close.

“’Night, Toby.” You whisper, kissing him on the cheek.

“Knghf- n-night, eheheh..” He stammers. “G-good night.” He smiled nervously.

 

 

“Do you even rem-remember when w-e met?”

You wracked your brain, “September Twenty-Second.” You looked at him blankly. “First official day of autumn. Last year.”

Toby seemed relieved at that answer.

“I don’t think I have short-term memory loss.”

“Hopefully not, h-holy fuck.” He ran his hand through his messy brown hair. “Do you r-re-emember how old yo-you are?”

“Uhm, like, eighteen? I.. don’t remember what year I was born..” You try to sift through the mess that is your memory bank, but nothing is coming up.

“I think so. E-eighteen t-to twenty.”

You laugh, “You don’t remember either?”

He shakes his head, “No, s-sorry.” He smiles apologetically.

“It’s fine.” Your eyes calmly scan your surroundings, looking at the trees and shrubs and feeling the warm late august air. “Peppermint sticks and seemingly endless nights.”

“Jagged r-rocks and soft be-bed sheets.”

You smile and lean against the brunet.

“D-do you.. remember wh-why you ended u-up he-re..?” He asked hesitantly.

“I..” You thought you had an answer, but the harder you thought about it, the less information you could come up with. “Something along the lines of running away?”

Toby nodded hesitantly, “Y-you really don’t remember?”

You shook your head slowly, “No, no I don’t.” You were almost dumbfounded. You could’ve sworn you knew the answer, but the memory escaped you right before it could come out of your mouth. This frustrated you, as you balled your hands in the grass beneath you and tugged.

“I-it’s okay,” He reassured you, “Don’t wo-worry about i-it.”

“I.. I remember..? Bits and pieces?” You desperately tried to remember what had brought you here. “Something about being on my own.. or wanting to at least..”

He gave you a worried look, but didn’t hush you.

“I.. think I was not in the best mental state? Like, upset, o-over.. something, I don’t even know.” You stammered. “I mean I guess I never really was in the best mental state but.. it was like, worse. Worse than usual. And my family was.. worried? A-and everything was just kind of.. overwhelming, everything was so loud and chaotic and then.. it wasn’t.”

The brunet beside you bit his lip, hoping you weren’t going to try too hard and get overly upset.

“I remember seeing you.” You echoed, staring off at nothing. “And I remember feeling relieved.”

He nodded, “S-sounds.. about right.” He thought about what he remembered of that.

“I.. I know I did something bad. Something that will keep me from ever rejoining society without punishment, but.. I can’t put my finger on what.”

Toby wrapped his arm around you, “Yeah.”

“Toby..” You stiffened. “What did we do..?” Your voice was low and serious, and he knew he couldn’t avoid giving you an answer, and that lying would be worse than telling you the truth.

“Uhm, w-well..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what on earth am I writing
> 
> writing in the reader's perspective has made me realize that I'm probably autistic to some degree so that's nice
> 
> comment stuff h
> 
> aLSO M Y S T E R I E S OOOOoO


	3. Little Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What?” You ask. “What do you want me to say? Some sappy `we’re more than just friends`?” You laugh. “This isn’t a romcom, Toby.”

“I.. don’t know what I was expecting but.. somehow it’s still unsettling to know.”

“That’s just the start of it.” Andrew rolled his brown eyes at you.

“What?” You looked up at him.

“Well you want to remember everything you can, right?”

You nod.

“You have a lot of shit to deal with.”

“Fuck.” You sighed.

“I’d suggest you make it through winter, and once it’s nice enough, you start going to all the places you remember.”

You pondered that for a while. “That sounds like a half decent idea.”

“Don’t draw attention to yourself and you’ll be fine.” He assures you. “For now, focus on Toby. He’s consistently jogged your memory.” Andrew suggested.

“Why can’t you just tell me all the things I’ve suppressed?”

“Because you’ve suppressed them. I’m not real, remember? I know OF all the things you’ve suppressed, just as your conscience does, but I don’t know really any details about what you’ve suppressed other than that they’re ugly.”

You sighed. “You’re not helpful.”

“It’s not like I told you I could read minds or grant you wishes.” He rolled his eyes, shrugging. “Focus on Toby.” He walked off. You’re starting to wonder where he walks off to if he’s really just a figment of your imagination..

His words ring in your ears. Focus on Toby. You groan and pull yourself off the forest floor. You’re not even sure where to start with remembering your life, but you figure you can snatch a notebook of some kind to write on. Write it all down. Just as your therapist had told you to do.

Hey, wait. Hey! You remembered something! Good job!

 

 

“Kodak,” Toby whispered, poking you. “Kodak!” He whisper-yelled.

“Nnm,” You rolled over to face him, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. “What??”

“List-listen.” He stayed quiet, a smile on his face. “It’s raining.”

Big, heavy raindrops pummeled everything below it, and you could hear it on the roof. You found yourself smiling softly.

“Isn’t that n-nice?” He grinned.

“Yeah.” You smiled. You loved seeing him happy like this. He looked like a kid waking up on Christmas Day.

He pressed his lips against yours quickly and softly before pulling away to bounce around the motel room, giggling as he bounced.

You stared wide-eyed at the ceiling before sitting up, rosy-faced. The blush was mutual, as Toby gave you a dopey grin as he jumped up and down giddily. You smiled as Toby chanted about the rain.

“It’s raining! I-it’s raining!”

“Alright, sand boy, calm down.” You chuckle. He stops bouncing to stick his tongue out in protest at the usage of the old nickname. You shrugged, “You called me Kodak.”

“Kodak.”

You snicker. Toby’s called you Kodak since you were both young, and you still don’t know what it means. He’s refused to tell you anything other than that it’s endearing. He’s a nerd, in your opinion. You’re not sure if he’s ignoring the fact that he kissed you, or if that’s really why he’s bouncing around. You guess the latter.

“It’s cold today.” You note, looking through the crack of the curtains over the window in the kitchen.

The brunet rolls his eyes. “You’re a-always cold.”

“Then maybe you should warm me up.” You suggest, holding back a smirk as you avoid eye contact.

He snickers, “I know w-what you me-an, but that sounds l-like an in-inuendo.”

You smirk at him, “Dirty boy.”

“Some p-people have a shame k-kink you know. Tread li-lightly.”

“Are you suggesting you have a humiliation kink..?” You laugh.

“No..” He trails off, “B-but you never know.” He shrugs, crawling onto the bed.

You pull the blankets around the two of you and cuddle, listening to the rain. You wrap your arm around his middle and shove your face into his neck.

“I don’t th-think this is what friends d-do.” Toby said quietly, staring up at the ceiling.

“When were we ever friends?” You mumble sarcastically.

He snorts, “Haha, a-asshole.”

“That’s my middle name.” You smile and nuzzle his neck with your nose.

“B-but seriously.” The brunet lowers his voice.

“What?” You ask. “What do you want me to say? Some sappy `we’re more than just friends`?” You laugh. “This isn’t a romcom, Toby.” You sit up calmly, he follows suit.

“W-well, I-I dunno what I w-want you to sa-say. Just.. something th-that gives me some c-closure.” He shrugs.

“I’ll keep you posted as to when I locate Closure.” You snicker. Fixing your hair and taking a deep breath, you look into his soot coloured eyes and smile smally, “I don’t know what we are. We ARE closer than friends, but I.. I don’t know what that’d make us.” You say honestly. “And I,” You laugh, “I don’t like these conversations, so let’s keep them short.”

Toby looks into your eyes like he’s going to find answers there. He looks torn, and for a moment, you think he’s going to cry before he cups your cheek and kisses you.

Cherry pop and baby blue.

That’s him. That always has been, and always will be.

Your breath catches in your throat, but it doesn’t take long for you to kiss back. It felt like forever, but also like only a few seconds before he pulled away.

“God,” He groans, “Th-this is fucked.”

“No, it isn’t. You just.. have to let things happen. Don’t try and give it a name or figure it all out right now.” You cup his cheek.

He whines, “I just-,”

You cut him off, “Toby. Don’t worry about it.”

“I-,”

You cut him off again, this time with a kiss. His hands tangle into your hair as you kiss him. He giggles when you two separate. You’re both rosy-cheeked, him more so than you.

“I th-think I under-un-understand.” He said quietly.

Everything about him in this moment makes you grin, and you grab for his hand, intertwining your fingers together.

“That’s good. Now let’s go back to keeping warm.” You lay back down, and he nestles the two of you under the soft warm sheets. “This room, and bed, are surprisingly nice.” You mumble.

“Yeah, I’m sh-shocked it’s not s-so gro-gross.”

“Beats sleeping in a tent.” You snicker.

“I don’t th-think I’d want m-my First-Time t-to be in a t-tent of all pla-places.” He laughs.

The brunet’s words catch you by surprise. Is he.. flirting with you? Or is it just an embarrassing sense of honesty? Is he being bold or clumsy?? You feel weird snuggling into him, but you’re too cold to care. The dark room falls quiet as you listen to the rain and each other’s breathing. You’re swept away with your thoughts that when Toby speaks up, you flinch.

“Wh-why were you asl-asleep at two i-in the aftern-noon?”

“I’m tired.”

“You seem t-to be tired a l-lot.”

“Yeah.” Your voice trails off.

“Tomorrow.”

“Food.” You smile longingly.

“Clothe-Clothes.”

“I’m so hungry.”

“We a-all are.”

You nuzzle into his neck, “Aren’t you cold? Get farther in the blankets.” You beckon.

Toby tries to argue, but quickly joins you. The two of you bump noses and giggle about nothing and everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's shorter  
> Sorry about that.


	4. Dissociating Vibes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last thing you know is the sound the cold dead leaves made when you too, turned firey colours and died and fell to the ground.

Time seems to be as inconsistent as your memory. Sometimes time will crawl by, and other times you’ll lose entire months of your life in the blink of an eye. You’ve grown fearful of the latter, but it’s bound to happen again.

5 cans of propane sit by the door, beckoning you. You’re cold, even in two layers, but it’s not freezing yet. The brunet lies asleep next to you, and for once he actually looks at peace. You stare up at the ceiling, sighing.

The plan is to nail some tarp to the ceiling, to help make sure warm air isn’t getting out. Of course, Jack says that the roof will probably collapse in two years or so, so it doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters. Everyone you knew has probably forgotten you, and yet you’re still haunted by memories of people you knew, or people that you know you knew at one point, but don’t really remember.

You look at your wristwatch and see that today is the 22nd of November. Is that Thanksgiving? You don’t know. You decide today is as good a day as any to pretend you’re still human.

Fall has passed quickly, and you aren’t sure if you really remember much from it. You’ve been writing down all you can into a notebook, but there are so many blank pages that it makes you dizzy.

When Toby finally stirred, you wrapped your arm around his middle, kissing his head.

“Good morning.”

“M-Mnnm,” He smiled, ears red.

“I think it’s Thanksgiving.”

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Really?”

“I recall Thanksgiving being on the twenty-second,” You shrug, “So.. I think so.”

He grinned at you, a dazed look in his eyes. “I love you.” He swallowed nervously.

You blinked, face going red. “I-I..” You stared at him. Your heart pace quickened, and you felt like crying or screaming or laughing and you couldn’t choose which you wanted to do more.

The two of you sat up, and his eyes glistened with fear and worry, smile faltering.

You shook your head slowly, a beaming smile making its way to your face. You blinked, trying to find your words. You cradle his cheek and kiss him, hands tangling in his hair.

Now he feels like crying and screaming and laughing.

“I love you too.” You say when your faces finally part.

His smile returns, and he wraps his arms around you, shoving his face in the crook of your neck. You can feel the conflicting emotions radiate off him. You run your dominant hand through his lightly curly chestnut hair, with your other hand rubbing circles in his back.

You feel bad, you’ve never been very good with being comforting, he was always more of the nurturing type.

You could do this forever, though. You felt warm and fuzzy inside. You never really realized the meaning and significance of the phrase `I love you`. It gets done to death and sounds less special the more you say it. You recall being skeptical of the phrase, but somehow it felt like magic.

 

 

_You walk amongst the birch, the leaves turning firey colours before diving to the ground. You are young, and you are tired. You wish you could stay out here forever, but every second that passed before your eyes made you wish you would hurry up. You can’t recall why you’re bleeding, but your knuckles are bleeding, and your nose is gushing blood. The metallic taste gets between your teeth and forces itself down your throat. You gag and choke and brood. Why must the world be so cruel to you?_

_You are overwhelmed with a sense of hopelessness and isolation. Ostracization and too many emotions at once, while you somehow also feel completely empty and numb. You feel everything and nothing. You know everything and nothing. You hear and smell and taste everything and nothing._

_Everything around you seems to spin and distort, and everything is loud. It’s too much. This is too much. Someone is screaming and sobbing and until it registers that there are hot tears streaming down your cold face you don’t understand who it is or why it’s so loud. You feel your throat start to go raw as your vision fades and you become lightheaded. The last thing you know is the sound the cold dead leaves made when you too, turned firey colours and died and fell to the ground._

 

Your new hunting boots are stiff, and make walking on flat surfaces feel weird, but it makes your walking quieter. You have new clothes. More thermal underwear/long johns, wool socks, beanies, and 2 different pairs of gloves. A few sweatshirts and sweaters, a wind breaker, 4 new pairs of jeans, more underwear, 2 pairs of sweatpants, snow pants, and a puffy snow jacket.

You’re thankful for everything you managed to get.

You’ve gotten to eat actual food from a few restaurants, as well as some baked goods.

You, Toby, EJ, and Kate went to a public pool for the sole purpose of showering (though you did swim, to not look suspicious).

You and Toby managed to get some insulation panels up on the ceiling and upper parts of some of the walls and covered them with tarp. You had to do all the hammering, since he flinches too much, but he made it up to you. The both of you covered the windows with plywood and towels.

Toby is a lot stronger than you originally thought. He kept the mattress and box-spring up with little issue while you laid plywood under it. You’ve been cleaning up the floor and placing plywood on top of the tarp.

The brunet giggled when you put a bathmat on the floor beside the bed. You stuck your tongue out in protest, proclaiming that it’s soft and warm and that you like soft and warm. He agrees with you, but still giggles.

Hard work has made you both a little more appreciative of each other. Your Thanksgiving weekend is celebrated by counting your blessings, as well as complimenting and thanking each other.

The days have become so short. It’s comforting, while also unnerving. You and Toby hold each other in the dark and whisper nursery rhymes and lullabies.

One day you decide you’re tired of how disgusting your hair feels on your head, and the two of you cut each other’s hair, and wash it with shampoo in a small basin. You wanted to weep, seeing your hair on the ground. It was longer than you’d care for in this unclean situation, but still, it was Your hair.

 

You stare at the ceiling, trying to recall the last time you’ve cried. It’s been too long, but you feel too cold and tired and empty to sob. You and Toby are both thinner than you used to be, despite eating a load of sweets not long ago. You can see the bones in your hands too clearly, and you can wrap your hand around your wrist and have your fingers touch.

Sometimes your head hurts, or your ears ring, and sometimes you feel numb. Sometimes you feel great, your face is cheery, and you feel so much joy and compassion in your little heart.

Andrew seems more and more agitated, sometimes he’s your cheery friend, while others he’s broody and snaps at you. You feel alienated.

You dream about nonsensical things. Touching smooth rocks, running your hand through dirt, feeling the texture in drywall. Matted down textured carpet of therapy offices and motel rooms, cards in your hands, water slipping through your fingers. You dream about floating up in the clouds or sitting in a boat of gravy. Sticking your hand into a toy box or breaking sticks.


	5. Stuff gets kinda steamy but okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let’s get some sleep before the sun comes up, yeah?”
> 
> He nods, shamefaced, very cautiously laying down next to you, his back against you.

Toby tossed and turned as he shivered under the blankets that practically pinned him to the bed. Unable to fall asleep, he snuggled against you, hoping for body warmth and comfort. For whatever unholy reason, his brain wouldn’t shut up, and he was beginning to drown in his own thoughts, most of which weren’t exactly happy, healthy thoughts he’d want to have at whatever hour of the probably just barely morning. He felt dizzy and silenced and eventually, his thoughts ringed in his head so loudly he couldn’t take it any longer, awaking you sheepishly.

You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, stifling a yawn as you propped yourself on your elbows, turning to face the brunet.

“..Toby?”

The half sitting boy gave you an ashamed look, desperately grabbing at your hand.

You could barely see him in the inky blackness, but you could tell he was upset just by the way his entire frame quivered, hair standing on end.

“What’s wrong?” Your gravelly, sleep heavy voice strained in worry.

“I-,” He stuttered out, barely above a whisper, “I can’t sleep.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” You cooed sympathetically, repositioning yourself so you could cuddle him. You cupped his pale cheek as you kissed his forehead softly.

“My b-brain won-won’t shut up fo-for the life o-of me.” He pouted crossly. He nuzzled your hand as he smiled at the tender gesture.

“Insomnia’s a bitch.” You snicker.

“So is li-like every oth-o-other mental i-issue.”

“Agreed.”

You both snickered lightly at the implication of whatever had you both in a borderline depressive state.

“You-your voice,” He exhaled embarrassedly, “You sound ho-hot when you’re tired.”

“Oh, do I?” You smirked before kissing the boy softly on the cheek. “Maybe you should wake me up more often.” You suggest.

“Maybe I wi-will.” He giggles, gladly receiving all of your affection.

You run your hand through his hair while you hum, rocking the both of you back and forth lightly. He snuggles into you, face in the crook of your neck.

The wind picks up outside and you hear raindrops against the unforgiving building you both live in, and out of all the places your mind goes, it goes to the sad man a few doors down. You wonder how he’s doing. You figure you’ll muster up your courage once the sun rises and go check up on him. You don’t want to check up on anyone else for the most part. They usually check up on you, and they knock on the door so hesitantly, it always makes you laugh.

Kate is doing well, rooming with Jack for the sake of body heat. No sexual tension there whatsoever. You’re convinced she’s either a lesbian or an asexual, but there is legitimately no awkwardness between her and EJ, nor are they super overly comfortable with each other. They’re like siblings of opposite sexes that never shared a bedroom.

You’re not sure how the girl in the mask is doing, nor the guy that’s awful to look at, but you’d like to keep your distance from both.

You also wonder how the ghosts are. You know they’re there, never specifically watching you, but still around. You hear Tim talk about them and talk to them. You wonder if they talk back to him, and if he can hear them. You want to give that man a hug and a good pat on the back, but you don’t think that will ever come into fruition.

Your thoughts spiral much like Toby’s had done just minutes ago, and if you weren’t lost in your head, you’d laugh.

The only think that could interrupt your thoughts was what Toby did next.

He kissed your neck.

Not softly, either.

Not quite biting, but hard enough to bruise, and you suspect that’s what he was going for.

You almost moan just in surprise alone, and you shudder, blinking confusedly. You sit there stiffly for a good minute, unsure of what to do, just letting it happen.

Toby is just as surprised and unsure as you, but you didn’t make any indication for him to stop, so he sheepishly marked up your neck.

You draw shapes into his back until he embarrassedly pulls away, ears red and face down, avoiding your eyes.

You’re not even sure what to say, both sitting there awkwardly for far too long. You chuckle, as he’s practically on your lap but he’s avoiding your eyes like your gaze shoots lasers or something.

Barely even thinking, your instinct decides for you. Your face hesitantly makes its way to the boy’s neck, and you can feel his heart beat quicken. He sweats lightly as you kiss his neck, just hard enough to bruise. Neither of you can figure out who tops and who bottoms in the relationship, so at this point you’re both chaotically canceling each other out.

You go at it for longer, marking both sides of his neck, and he shivers meekly, twiddling his thumbs and avoiding your eyes when you finally pull away.

“Guess we’re even.” You say, mind blank, cracking a smile as he shyly looks up at you.

He snickers before pulling you in for a kiss.

“We should start using the propane so we don’t have to practically wear coats to sleep.”

“You just wa-want to sp-spoon in a-as little cl-cloth-thing as you can ma-manage.”

“Yeah, you caught me.” You laugh. “I don’t like being super clothed.”

“Closet n-nudist.”

“Not quite,” You wink, “But you could easily turn me into one.”

He smiles in embarrassment, face pink, “Oh hu-hush.”

You chuckle, bumping noses briefly before you softly press your lips against his. You can feel him stiffen against your leg a tad and you go lightheaded at the thought but try not to think about it, thumbing his soft cheek as you kiss.

When you pull away, you snicker at the expression on his face.

A tiredly surprised flusterment, mixed with admiration, and a little bit of lust.

“I-I,, I- uhm,” He stammers, feeling the need to explain himself, which you find unnecessary.

“Let’s get some sleep before the sun comes up, yeah?”

He nods, shamefaced, very cautiously laying down next to you, his back against you.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.” You mumble.

“Love y-you.”

 

You barely become conscious enough to tell that Toby’s out of bed around 7, and hear him close by, trying to keep himself quiet. You quickly pull yourself back into sleep.

 

The two of you eat baked beans out of the can and munch on fruit bars. You can’t say you hate this type of food, but it gets tiring. Sodium heavy trucker food is good for road trips, or the occasional snack, but not the basis of an entire dietary lifestyle.

You assume lunch to be mixed nuts and soup.

You crave a salad or an apple, or really anything not out of a box or a can.

“You w-wanna g-go on a- ahahah,” He rubs the back of his neck, ears red, “Maybe g-go on a date w-with me?”

You’re shocked, but a grin quickly makes it’s way to your lips. “What would we even do?”

“I’ve be-en saving up p-pocket money f-f-for a wh-while. Fi-figured we could, uh, g-go to a r-res-stauraunt of s-some kind..”

You pull him into a kiss, “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah sure

**Author's Note:**

> Hhh hmu on instagram @ruby_rudd or my email krudd2000@gmail.com OR my discord @ruby_rudd #5152
> 
> Comments and kudos are welcome!!!  
> <3  
> ~Kyle


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